Broken hearted again.

It has been over a year since I have posted and really nothing has changed.  Andrew was released in March 2013 and since then has been arrested twice and currently sits in jail...again. 

I did get an opportunity to lay eyes on him for the first time in 5 years in July.  I was in San Diego for business and timing just worked out that he was in San Diego also.  I was shocked that he actually followed through and met up with me.  I was terrified and excited at the same time to see him.  Excited because I hadn't seen him in five years and terrified because I was afraid of how he would look.  I didn't want that to be the image that I held in my head.  Luckily he looked really good and we had a really good visit.  I thought, finally we have turned a corner.  We kept in touch after and the conversations were good and I felt like he may finally be free from his demons.

This past Friday, I hear from him that he is not well.  His asthma is bothering him.  He went to the dr and he had meds he needed to get, didn't know how he was going to pay for them. He didn't come right out and ask.  I offered to see if I could get him some money to pay for them.  He said no he would figure it out.  I offered still and proceeded to see how I could get the funds to him.  Long story short he ends up calling me a liar and getting all irritated with me because I want to call the pharmacy and see if I can pay for them over the phone.  Turns out he was trying to get twice the amount out of me for the meds.  He doesn't know I know he lied and I am fine with letting him continue to think I am stupid. 

So he ends up back in jail.  Gets popped for a warrant when he and his buddies get pulled over.  Needless to say his buddies continue on.  He has the nerve to call me and ask me to put money on his books when he gets to Sonoma County jail.  I laughed.  I asked about the details and where were his friends.  He of course gets defensive.  He ends up telling me he loves me and hanging up on me.

Based on this behavior I can only conclude that he is using again.  That is the only time he acts this way. 

In the process of all of this I have my mom making me feel bad for waning on trying to help him.  He is your son she says.  I say well at some point I have to quit enabling him, it is called tough love.  I didn't say it was easy, matter of fact I have cried many tears over it.  After all this goes down I tell her not to feel bad for her punk a** grandson. She says he promised me twice he wasn't going to do this anymore.  I said that is what an addict does. 

So now we are both broken hearted again.  I cannot even stand to see a picture of him at this point, it just makes me want to cry.